as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
