so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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