she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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