How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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