I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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