dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
