and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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