two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
