My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
