Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
