Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
