he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
