hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
