Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
