I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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