I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
