there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
