you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
