Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
