im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
