I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Mom said you looked used
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
