How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
