just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
