do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
