OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
