just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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