i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
