My balls are so social today.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
