Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
