Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
