we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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