This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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