Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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