Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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