Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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