I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
