shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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