before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
