I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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