she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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