Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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