Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
