i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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