Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
This is not my ceiling
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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