Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
