I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
