And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
smell my finger.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
