ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
