last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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