Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
