I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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