you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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