I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
