pop tarts are not kleenex
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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