I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
